What does self-compassion mean to you?

To me, it means being in tune with myself and my needs. It means treating myself with the same kindness and love I would treat others, and it means respectfully setting healthy boundaries.

Some people might think setting boundaries is selfish, and to them I say “indeed it is”.. but only if being selfish means taking care of yourself and that which is important to you.

We all know the feeling of running ourselves ragged for someone else, then having no time or energy to take care of ourselves. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s indicative of self-love, self-respect and yes, self-compassion.

In many cases we are taught to undervalue ourselves because “family comes first” or “what will others think?” While this way of thinking may have been imposed upon generations and generations of those who came before us, that doesn’t mean it should be the status quo, moving forward.

We can work towards finding a healthier balance between taking care of our own needs, and respecting our family values. Well that sounds great, but how? I believe it can start with self-compassion.

Begin elevating your own needs to the same level or even higher than others’ needs, and truly believing that your needs matter, that you matter.

One helpful tip for bringing in self compassion is asking yourself what you would say to a friend if they were in the same position as you. Think about what you might say to a friend who told you “my Mom needs me to run errands for her, but I have a deadline in two hours”. Would you suggest that friend ignore their deadline, or perhaps find a compromise with their mom? Would you tell yourself the same thing? Do you deserve the same care, kindness and compassion you showed your friend?

A simple, yet powerful meditation to cultivate self-love and self-compassion is to take a few moments to think about someone who really loves you. Now, see yourself through their eyes. How do they see you? Notice how much you mean to them, notice how they don’t even see those things you are self-conscious about. Notice all the amazing qualities they see in you. They love you, not because of what you’ve accomplished, or what you do or don’t do. They love you simply because you exist. Which is nothing less than you deserve.

Rashmi Kumar, RPQ

Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying),

NGH Certified Hypnotherapist, Mongan Method Certified Hypnobirthing Childbirth Educator

Hello, my name is Rashmi Kumar. I am a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), an NGH Certified Hypnotherapist as well as a Mongan Method Certified Hypnobirthing Childbirth Educator. When I was a young girl, my Dad brought home a book about a prominent psychiatrist who used hypnosis to help his patients. This book fueled my passion for hypnosis and helped me realize my path in life is one where I can help people heal. Hypnosis led me to psychotherapy, as I wanted to be able to dive deeper with my clients, and have more tools at my disposal to help them.

As a first generation Canadian, growing up in the Niagara area, to parents who immigrated from India, I am able to empathize with the distinct challenges the South Asian community faces. Not least of which is struggling to find one’s place. Balancing the unique expectations of family and cultural values, with the society in which we live.

Something that helped me immensely, as a confused kid who wanted desperately to fitin, was talking to others who shared my experience. Understanding that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling and there are others out there who can understand and empathize.

This is what I will strive to incorporate into our time together at Shanti Psychotherapy. An empathetic, compassionate approach that respects you, your lived experience and will meet you where you are. Working with you, towards your healing, in a way that fits with your life.

I utilize a person centered approach, bringing in tools from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), integrative trauma and attachment model (ITATM), emotional freedom therapy (EFT) as well as hypnotherapy.

I look forward to working with you!

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