While summer brings the promise of sunshine, rest, and quality time with family, it is also when tensions can rise between couples. Summertime marital strife is more common than one would believe. Research shows that relationship satisfaction tends to decline during transitional seasons, such as summer. Cultural and family dynamics, especially within BIPOC communities, can stir up tension. Competing expectations around leisure, caregiving, and emotional connection can open room for frustration and disconnection.

In this blog, we explore the top five reasons why never-ending battles with your spouse arise in the summer, and what you can do to resolve them.

How to Manage Unequal Summertime Parenting Responsibilities

Why Communication Breakdown Occurs

How to Resolve Arguments Over Social Plans

Holding Boundaries with Extended Family

Why Infidelity Is Likely To Occur During The Summer

1. Unequal Summertime Parenting Responsibilities

Summer brings natural changes to the structure of the day within families with kids. Taking care of camp times, meals, screen time, managing sibling conflicts, organizing playdates, and more can overwhelm the parent who carries the bulk of the invisible labour. Failing to recognize the load of the imbalance creates a pressure-cooker-like environment in the household. When the spouse carrying the load loses their cool, the other wonders why this came out of the blue. To maintain peace, both of you might scramble and shift into co-manager mode. However, doing this out of resentment will not resolve the problem.

Couples can significantly reduce marital strife stemming from parenting issues by acknowledging the reality that summer is hardly vacation time for parents. Taking time off from work means switching to full-time work at home to keep the kids clothed, fed, entertained and happy. Consciously changing the paradigm and then working together to share parenting responsibilities can help you move forward in a productive manner. You can enhance this even further by building in time over the summer for the two of you to nurture your romance and emotional connection.

2. Communication Breakdown

Summer can be challenging because of the unspoken pressure to enjoy it. Many of us internalize the idea that we should feel relaxed, happy, and connected. The mix of heat, exhaustion, and unspoken expectations can turn everyday conversations into conflict, leaving partners feeling misaligned or unheard. Under stress, it’s common for couples to fall into familiar, often unhelpful, communication patterns.

One partner might shut down or withdraw, while the other escalates and pursues the issue. These patterns aren’t about the surface arguments; they’re usually about deeper emotional needs that aren’t being expressed or met. The seasonal pace, though outwardly relaxed, can leave little room for closeness, making it easy to miss the signs that your relationship is craving more care. When partners feel emotionally distant, even minor stressors can feel amplified. One may begin to feel alone in the relationship, while the other might not realize anything is wrong. This kind of disconnection is common during busy seasons, especially when the focus is on tasks and caregiving rather than quality time together.

3. Arguing About Social Plans

Sharing laughs with friends and family sounds ideal, but only when both partners are in alignment. If one partner fills the social calendar while the other wants to relax at home, disharmony is likely to ensue. Resolving these conflicts requires focus on calm communication to express your needs. At the same time, you must practice active listening to understand your partner’s perspective. Compromises towards a balanced social life that meets both your needs can only occur after you know and respect each other’s needs.

4. Extended Family

For BIPOC and immigrant families, cultural expectations and family loyalty stem from deep-rooted cultural norms and childhood dynamics. In many collectivist cultures, a group’s well-being is valued above individual needs. The complexity of these relationships can intrude and upend the unity between spouses. The summer months can exacerbate discord because families often host visitors, attend events, and entertain guests.

Familial loyalty can put couples in untenable situations when clear boundaries do not exist. It can put one spouse in a position where they must choose between their partner’s needs and those of their family. When one spouse feels neglected, it creates a downward spiral of emotions that includes deep-rooted resentment, mistrust, and a decline in communication. This, in turn, leads to physical disconnection and a decrease in marital satisfaction.

The solution to this almost always requires professional intervention and couples therapy to uncover all the layers and get to the root cause. Therapy sessions are designed to provide a safe space for both partners to express themselves and identify boundaries, marking them to prioritize and protect the relationship.

5. Infidelity

One of the most common causes of unhappy marriages and divorce is infidelity. According to Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, Certified Sex Therapist, we tend to be much more playful in the summer. When days are warmer and longer, we wear revealing clothing, and the season inspires the wondering eye. We are likely to meet new people during the summer, and this is also the season when infidelity peaks. Rebuilding trust after an emotional or physical betrayal is one of the most challenging exercises a couple can undertake.

How to Protect Your Couple Identity During Summer

While summertime marital strife can be difficult for couples, navigating it in the early stages can prevent much of the damage that occurs when it is left to fester.

Here are a few ways to keep the relationship together and alive:

• Name what’s happening: Naming the tension helps reduce shame. It invites compassion instead of blame.
• Check in regularly: Even a 10-minute weekly conversation can help you both feel more grounded and heard.
• Respect personal space: Alone time isn’t a threat; it’s an act of care for the relationship.
• Share the load: Be transparent and collaborative about who’s doing what, especially with parenting and household tasks.
• The hustle and bustle can make it easy to forget each other. A shared meal, a walk, or a spontaneous laugh can go a long way in keeping your connection alive.

Let go of the pressure to have the “perfect” summer. Instead, choose one that feels intentional, honest, and emotionally connected. If tension is rising in your relationship or you’re noticing the emotional distance growing between you, consider reaching out to us for professional help. We can walk alongside you and your partner with care, clarity, and compassion, making summer a time for reflection, repair, and renewal.

Culturally Attuned Psychotherapy for Couples

Shanti Psychotherapy staff work closely with Dr. Pavna Sodhi. She is a Registered Psychotherapist, author, and adjunct professor with over 25 years of experience in psychotherapy and research, offering a unique research perspective on culturally responsive trauma-informed work, BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour) communities, and immigrant mental health.

We recognize how cultural and family dynamics, especially within BIPOC communities, can make these seasonal shifts feel heavy. Our educational work with Dr. Sodhi enables us to support couples navigating not only relationship issues but also intergenerational patterns, systemic pressures, and community expectations. Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. Our work honours all the layers you bring into the room.